Had the chance today for yet another quality family bonding time. Three things I learned today:
1. Girls’ pant sizes don’t come in size 56! What an ordeal, thanks to my cousin for informing me that if such exists, they would be called ‘blankets’. Don’t even take me to my junior high years when (according to her) I thought all girls were either anorexic or bulimic (my speech by the way was taken waay out of context).
2. It’s not a good idea to leave cooked rice in the open for more than seven days. I had the luxury of discovering those tiny little black eggs/dots/clusters of little blackheads (or whatever they were) on them. Like snow on top of mountainranges, except the snow was black. Yuck! Think little spider mamba laid eggs on top of them. I jusst… don’t know. I don’t think I can look at ‘sinangag’ the same way again..
3. Taking risks is a very hard thing to do, especially for me. I’m not talking about the type of luck-on-the-slots-in-Vegas kind of way. It just comes down to the idea of putting faith into something that you cannot have absolute control whatsoever. Being a control freak that I am, that thought discomforts me. In a big way. Not even a hint of security, assurance, or insurance. Nothing at all.
Money lost in Vegas due to risking for a potential higher return (or a Rolex watch/virginity/any shiny jewelry) would be okay since monetary value can be replaced easily, except dignity, and whatever happened in Vegas stays there anyway (yes, its old) But.. what if you risked something that doesn’t have a price tag attached to it? Say a friendship with someone you hold dear. A relationship that you cherish. Your reputation. What others think of you. These investments of a lifetime in time, trust and energy shattering in an instant if something awry came along the way. Isn’t that disheartening? To me, quite much.
You take the big leap. Didn’t quite made it.
What will happen? Once its gone… what can replace it? Would it be the same? Is there even anything that can replace it?
This whole risky business thing just bugged me to the extreme. But what I realized tonight changed it.
I am ready to take the plunge. I fact I can feel the rush. I will plant the seed. It will not be easy along the rocky road, I might lose some things that I worked hard for, including my image, and its mirrored selfishness. I don’t have to worry about steering the wheel. I’ve given that up to Him. I’m just eager to freefall. I am just ready to fall back in the arms of grace.